It's been very tiring lately, physically and emotionally. My sleep schedule always gets f'd up on the weekends, so I'm typing this with class in 8 hours, and I haven't started sleeping yet.
I won in poker three separate times this week -- perhaps a good omen for when I go home and play at some of the MD games.
I think I aced my economics exam that I did prepare for heavily -- while my biology exam which I prepared even HEAVERILY for -- was extremely difficult and I don't think I did well. Will find out
tomorrow today.
On Saturday, myself, James, Dave, Lucas, and our driver Andy all went east to Rochester. It was pretty fun -- we got "garbage plates" ($5 plates of either burger, hot dog, steak, etc...along with home fries piled on the bottom, macaroni salad or baked beans served cold on the side, and a meaty hot sauce overtop. It sat in my stomach for like 5 hours, but it was really good at the time, hah.
Went bowling afterwards -- I got a 69 the first game (us poker players call that hand "dinner for 2," while we played 9-pin the second game where 9 pins on the first roll equals a strike. I came in 2nd that game with a 135, woohoo. Didn't get to sleep till 5:30, and I ended up missing church and woke up around 2:30. Damn.
I'm so tired of school right now -- I'm tired of this room, tired of the routine. I refer back to the poem "gray" I wrote more than a month ago. I'm ready to go home for 5 days, and see the people I've always loved, and the people I still love, and the people who I'm lucky enough to call friends.
Poker with the guys, rocking out with Jamal (never mind, he's in hawaii still :( ), staying up till 4 AM talking with ellen, golfing with dad -- I'll have a lot of time over winter break to do this, but I don't want to waste a second this week. I also can't wait to DRIVE MY CAR Vrrroooom!
...So yeah.
I'm also planning on seeing Heather, despite my equivocal emotions. When you haven't seen someone's face in months, haven't talked to them in nearly the same amount of time, you don't always know what to say, even though you have so much to talk about.
I share her concern that the old feelings I'm trying to rid myself of will come back the second I see her. This is because even though things just fell apart, we never had a heated argument, never called each other names. People I've talked to about the situation have, but I cringe when I hear them.
Her college boyfriend she reluctantly told me about broke her heart recently. What am I supposed to feel about that? I don't feel anything, because it's not my life. All I can think about is the fact that I want to comfort her, and the realization that I probably can't do that anymore.
When she told me a while ago that she had never planned on trying to stay together in college (despite her verbal acknowledgement otherwise before we left) -- among other things, all I could is start wonderng about everything else she said, and didn't say. How much of what I thought was going perfectly was not felt mutually?
These are the questions I ask myself, among other ones, mostly revolving around the path I'm taking right now in my life, and how it will come back to hurt me in the end.
