Dear Elle,


Sad but true department: I spent the latter part of my Saturday evening sitting on the window ledge in my room, smoking and drinking, while ironically listening to a friend (Bill Eager)'s song about how the spring will never come, and wilting trees. Not exactly the most uplifting song for myself at the moment, where I seem to go through a period like this multiple times per year, ever since I came to Buffalo.

Ironically enough, the song also laments not being "in proximity to you," which is reference enough for the individual I was discussing with you the other night.

But this period of time I mentioned -- it usually involves a lack of anything exciting, a lack of spontaneity, and a lot of fears that aren't exactly grounded. The conclusion that I came up with while nursing a Molson Canadian Light over 20 minutes was that it is these fears that are keeping me from any sort of spontaneity (bad choice of words) --- any sort of excitement, we'll say. I can't expect anything in my life to change on it's own --- Ralph Waldo Emerson taught me that, while Thoreau indirectly forced me to accept the fact that if I do choose to live a certain way, or do something in particular -- I need to make sure it's exactly what I WANT, and not what society may want.

It also then beared on me, after I tried to spit out the window but it landed on my arm due to the wind ------- that society doesn't really pay attention to me at all -- much like most individuals I know.

That leaves me where I started at, with the revelation that if I don't do anything to change where I'm at right now, only roughly 7 weeks into the semester, then things will only get worse. One man can only hide under the cover of listening to Iron & Wine on weekend nights for so long before people start to notice!

Whether or not they care is another anecdote all by itself, and I'll leave that for a future night.



yr hmbl and obt srvt,


-kev ¶ 2:07 AM |